Ahh, bite me; it hasn't even been a year you whiny little butt-weasel. And yes, I'm still too lazy to proofread what goes here. Deal with it.

So, you ever watch Dragon Tales? Basically, it is this mildly torturous show about two annoying little kids, a brother and sister (I think, though I guess they could be dating, which might make the show a little more interesting, especially if they are really into kinky stuff like dragons), who can travel to some kind of parallel universe full of friendly talking dragons by reciting bad poetry while teaching us some valuable lesson like "if you are a two-headed dragon, it may seem really cool to sepearate your heads into two distinct head-body combinations, but in then end, you are gonna be best off ending up back together with your other head and its body again cuz of some big dilemma like, say, you are the newly detached 'right head-body' combo and you just took a dump and you realize now that not only are you not used to having two of your own ass cheeks to spread apart, your head-body's half usually only handles the flushing duties, not the wiping ones and you have no idea to clean up your nether region."

But anyways, I digress. The real purpose of this was supposed to be to complain about that freaking Enrique guy. Over the past couple of years I've been suckered into more than my fair share of Dragon Tales viewing, but never in such concentrated doses as the past 3-5 days of father-daughter-dragon bonding time as we moped around the house in our jammies all sick as, well, a two headed dragon with a thing that makes you really really sick and stuff. As a result of this marathon week of napping, chatting and giggles in bed, discussions on the merits of juice-boxes vs. juice in cups, toilet paper roll art projects, watching Caillou (don't get me started) and Dragon Tales at every avaialable opportunity, we were introduced to Dragon Tale's newest "character", Enrique.

Well, introduced is pushing it. All of a sudden, like out of nowhere, the normal two little kids are getting ready to recite their dragon travelling ditty when some beany punk named Enrique pops in and joins them. They recite their same ditty, and all 3 are whisked away to dragon land. Alli sorta accepts it, with just a little "hey! they have a friend"....but I'm seriously taken aback. So many things wrong, so disturbing....from the get-go, Enrique just pissed me off.

In a nutshell, Enrique just totally ruins the realism of the show for me. Firstly, no freaking way the same exact poem is powerful enough to transport all three of them, I know these things, I've been watching Charmed for a long time now and you can't F around with spells and shit all willy nilly like (plus, wearing some dorky hat isn't gonna help, revealing outfits and tight shirts aid magical powers, everyone knows that by now.) Secondly, what kind of dumbass kids have a free ride to a magical land and let some other kid in on the action without at least trading something cool for it or getting some cash in exchange? Especially when that kid just takes this magical trip for granted...no mad props to the other kids for the transporational words, no initial 'pee in his pants' reaction to meeting real dragons...and the dragons, what the hell is wrong with them, all of a sudden another runt comes in there and they aren't frightened by it? Don't they see the future where Enrique tells just one more friend about the dragons and then one more and then one more and before you know it there are like 4823 kids ogling the dragons and there is no space for the dragons to run around and do dragon things and then one of the kids accidentally gets in the way of a sick dragon who does one of those sneeze/cough-fart things, only with dragons, I'm pretty sure that this involves fire, so one or two kids burn to death and now there are 4819 kids running around all freaked out (note, there are still likely 4821 kids still alive, but the original two kids have probably seen something like this before and realize that the sneezing dragon didn't really kill this other kid on purpose, so they aren't really afraid) and then then trample all the plants in dragon land and all the dragons eventually starve to death (a few episodes after the emotional 'dragons have to eat, too' episode where they eat the charred remains of those 2 kids, not to mention the tragic newly charred kids who are 'accidentally' cooked en masse by the new epidemic of sneeze-farting dragons) Do I want Alli learning, among other things, that it is ok to just up and give magical secrets away to other people for free? Or that it is ok to sneeze-fart in order to get food? Or that it is ok to pretend to be friends with people and then just turn around and eat them when you get a little bit hungry?

I could go on, but I'll spare you for now....and needless to say I'm a little leery of those commercials we saw today hyping the arrival of Dora's new little sibling. As if life with a talking blue monkey wasn't good enough, she has to go and get greedy......