motherhood journal
~ Tuesday, July 13, 2004
As I write this, one of our former co-op families is in Children's Hospital assisting their 3-year-old daughter as she receives her first round of chemotherapy. This little girl has already been given more challenges than a child (and her family) should have to bear, and she has now been diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma.
I think of her often, and hardly without tears. She, and her parents, are bearing this as bravely as I can imagine possible, but she is very weak and enduring much discomfort. I firmly believe this child is deserving of a miracle.
And I feel so selfish that a part of my reaction is extreme gratefulness for our family's relatively small burdens.
I think of her often, and hardly without tears. She, and her parents, are bearing this as bravely as I can imagine possible, but she is very weak and enduring much discomfort. I firmly believe this child is deserving of a miracle.
And I feel so selfish that a part of my reaction is extreme gratefulness for our family's relatively small burdens.
~ Friday, July 09, 2004
I'm four weeks deep into school. I've loved my first two classes, and am feeling cautiously optimistic that I can do this. I've also had several "in my groove" moments where I feel, for probably the first time in my life besides becoming a Mother, that I am on the path to do something that I am meant to do.
It's been hard, though, and I imagine that it's not going to get any easier for a little while. This Summer has involved a bit more juggling than I had envisioned -- keeping up with co-op, keeping Alli's days otherwise as occupied as they always have been, being in school 3 nights a week for 3 hours at a shot, doing an insane amount of reading, getting through several standardized and proficiency tests, making time for group projects and papers (including one large research paper which I have to get done by next week), and fitting in lots of field experience time in the schools (these hours are assigned in conjunction with specific classes and have to be fulfilled in accordance with class deadlines). I put in 2 mornings this week in Evanston's Summer School program, and will continue that for the next 2 weeks.
It's been pretty exhausting, but I'm making my way through it, and have lost much of the initial "no way can I do this" panic. I have no idea how the addition of working in the schools in the Fall will feel, and I'm starting to feel some probably normal fear and sadness at the prospect of taking the final leap away from being 24x7 with Alli, but I'm just taking it one step at a time, generally even one day at a time.
This week I sat in on 1st Grade and Kindergarten classes in Evanston. Summer school is an interesting animal, in that here kids who need Reading or Math development before being promoted to the next grade from all of Evanston's elementary schools go to a single school and are put in classes together. It's a very short day, 8:30-11:30, and the expectations of the kids and the teachers are in some cases pretty huge. At the same rate, being surrounded by kids who really need help is somehow a comfortable place for me to be, and one in which I think I'd like to end up. I have been there for 2 mornings, and have already had kids clamoring to tell me things or to ask me for help.
My first level of field experience hours are supposed to be mainly observation, getting involved in some one-on-one tutoring and some work in small groups. This morning, my first visit to the Kindergarten class, the teacher gave me a 30-second synopsis of the morning's activities and literally left the class in my hands while she went out to get some things done. Nothing like, boom! Here you go, start teaching! We worked on the alphabet, letter sounds, and "framing" words in a story.
Yesterday in the 1st Grade classroom, I was sitting at a table with a group of kids who were all asking me what I was doing in their class. I explained to them that I was going to school to learn how to be a teacher. One girl pressed for more info, and I told her that I had a different kind of job for awhile, then had a baby and stayed home with her, and am now going back to school because I want to teach. Her response: "You were in BUSINESS?" (said with an urban emphasis that you can only accomplish with an appropriate neck and shoulder movement). I answered that, yes, I was in business. "You retired?" she pressed. "No," I laughed, "I didn't retire." "I want to retire," she said. We then discussed that she'd have to finish school and get a good job so that she can then retire.
Later in the morning, during a writing assignment, I was helping her correct her spelling. She turned to me and said, "Look, you're a teacher now!"
:-)
It's been hard, though, and I imagine that it's not going to get any easier for a little while. This Summer has involved a bit more juggling than I had envisioned -- keeping up with co-op, keeping Alli's days otherwise as occupied as they always have been, being in school 3 nights a week for 3 hours at a shot, doing an insane amount of reading, getting through several standardized and proficiency tests, making time for group projects and papers (including one large research paper which I have to get done by next week), and fitting in lots of field experience time in the schools (these hours are assigned in conjunction with specific classes and have to be fulfilled in accordance with class deadlines). I put in 2 mornings this week in Evanston's Summer School program, and will continue that for the next 2 weeks.
It's been pretty exhausting, but I'm making my way through it, and have lost much of the initial "no way can I do this" panic. I have no idea how the addition of working in the schools in the Fall will feel, and I'm starting to feel some probably normal fear and sadness at the prospect of taking the final leap away from being 24x7 with Alli, but I'm just taking it one step at a time, generally even one day at a time.
This week I sat in on 1st Grade and Kindergarten classes in Evanston. Summer school is an interesting animal, in that here kids who need Reading or Math development before being promoted to the next grade from all of Evanston's elementary schools go to a single school and are put in classes together. It's a very short day, 8:30-11:30, and the expectations of the kids and the teachers are in some cases pretty huge. At the same rate, being surrounded by kids who really need help is somehow a comfortable place for me to be, and one in which I think I'd like to end up. I have been there for 2 mornings, and have already had kids clamoring to tell me things or to ask me for help.
My first level of field experience hours are supposed to be mainly observation, getting involved in some one-on-one tutoring and some work in small groups. This morning, my first visit to the Kindergarten class, the teacher gave me a 30-second synopsis of the morning's activities and literally left the class in my hands while she went out to get some things done. Nothing like, boom! Here you go, start teaching! We worked on the alphabet, letter sounds, and "framing" words in a story.
Yesterday in the 1st Grade classroom, I was sitting at a table with a group of kids who were all asking me what I was doing in their class. I explained to them that I was going to school to learn how to be a teacher. One girl pressed for more info, and I told her that I had a different kind of job for awhile, then had a baby and stayed home with her, and am now going back to school because I want to teach. Her response: "You were in BUSINESS?" (said with an urban emphasis that you can only accomplish with an appropriate neck and shoulder movement). I answered that, yes, I was in business. "You retired?" she pressed. "No," I laughed, "I didn't retire." "I want to retire," she said. We then discussed that she'd have to finish school and get a good job so that she can then retire.
Later in the morning, during a writing assignment, I was helping her correct her spelling. She turned to me and said, "Look, you're a teacher now!"
:-)
