a few weeks ago:

my interest was first piqued when i noticed that the shelf was labeled with a big '2 for a $1.00' sign.....and then my gaze was met by bo jackson's beefy smile....and i knew my wallet was going to be a few dollars lighter... hell, i knew right then that my life would change. i would soon be the proud owner of ALL the freaking 'Bo Jackson Better Bars" on the shelf.



how could you not fall in love with the product? eat one of these nutritious taste sensations (available in like 3+ flavors!) and you can almost imagine yourself developing the charm, killer smile, general affability and athletic ability of one of the greatest athletes ever! this is marketing genius! the celebrity spokesperson model done to perfection!

now i may be a dreamer, but i'm grounded in enough reality to know that no nutiritious snack can make me run faster or smile prettier, etc...but that is where that aforementioned marketing genius comes into play! that isn't what this bar packaging is telling me! i know that if i eat all these snack bars, odds are that i'm going to develop a bum hip! heck, i'm gonna probably need a hip replacement! sure, i'll try to work for a few more years, at least half of the year (the winter work will be too rough for my hip) but eventually i'll be retiring early (in my 30's!) and living off disabilty! i'll be able to hang out with alli all day long and hopefully my hip will hold out long enough so that i can still chase off her boyfriends in 13 years....my life is surely gonna be BETTER!

WOW! I wonder why these things were on clearance!